


Ocean Eyes

by chikapu_thundercunt



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015), supercorp - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:47:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22182052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chikapu_thundercunt/pseuds/chikapu_thundercunt
Summary: “I think when I feel things again, I’m… I’m gonna be very very afraid… about the person I might be…” - Lena LuthorJust a fic on Lena's POV during the Cloudy with a Chance of Supercorp
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 5
Kudos: 38





	Ocean Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this just now (I don't have any schedule for work until late afternoon so I made this...). I was inspired by Billie Eillish song, Ocean Eyes. Hope you enjoy!!!

“I think when I feel things again, I’m… I’m gonna be very very afraid… about the person I might be…”

Lena remembered her confession to Kara a few years before. The CEO pinched the bridge of her nose and reached out for the glass near her. Noticing it empty, she then stood up and walked towards the table where the scotch was, poured herself a shot, drank it in one go and poured herself another one.

With a sigh, she walked towards the balcony in her office and looked at the view. She tried and but failed to not recollect the scene that happened a few months ago. Supergirl returned and immediately walked towards her and pulled her into a hug. Kara was looking for her while she hugged Alex. The CEO thanked whoever it is to thank that Kara was safe and she almost melted when blue eyes met hers. She relished the fact that Kara was safe after all but that homey feeling disappeared once her brother stepped out of the portal.

She sipped on her drink and sighed.

Since she was little, she was taught by Lillian that emotions are for the weak. She remembered the first time Lillian slapped her and she cried, nobody can blame her though, she was only 5 at the time. “Never show your emotions. Do not trust anyone,” Lillian sneered and got Lena’s teddy bear. From that moment on, she promised herself to not trust anyone and let alone be clouded with emotions.

That was easier said than done though.

When she was shipped out to boarding school, she mostly kept to herself. Reading books and just studying. The only time she talked to anyone else were doing group projects and fencing. That’s about it.

“Keep your emotions in check,” She remembered Lex telling her. “You’re a Luthor,” he added. And so, she tried her best to blend in without really knowing anyone in a deeper level.

When Lena got to know Andrea, she really thought that the brunette was sincere. That she could be trusted. That she could be a friend. But in the end, Andrea broke that trust again and again.

There came Jack. Sweet Jack. She told herself maybe this time, she will be able to love someone. But also, in the end, she couldn’t even trust herself enough to go through with it. And so she went to National City, and try to do the right thing despite of her name.

Destiny came knocking on her door in National City.

Then Kara came barging into her life with that pretty face, that infectious laugh, the kindness, her intellegence and especially those bright blue eyes.

Those ocean blue eyes that she felt she can be lost in for days. Those expressive eyes that sometimes, she felt she can see true love looking at her soul.

Love.

Lena shivered at the thought. Is she really in love with Kara? Everybody seemed to think so. Even her secretary noticed the heart eyes that Kara was giving. And to think that she might have looked at Kara the same without knowing it. The worst thing about it was even her brother thought she was in love with Kara.

She leaned, her forehead touching the glass door and sighed.

“I can’t be in love with my best friend… Is she still my best friend?” thought Lena. She remembered how bit by bit, Kara had removed bits and pieces of the armor surrounding her heart. All those lunch dates, movie nights, the Super even made her feel comfortable enough to make new friends… no… family.

The CEO remembered feeling warm inside every time Kara and their friends was with her. That was a first for her in a long time. To not be judged by her last name. Or so she thought.

Why was she mad again?

Oh yeah. They all lied. They betrayed her.

“I am not a villain and yet they treated me like one,” she remembered the scene inside the fortress. And then she remembered Kara looking at her with tears in eyes. Those blue eyes stared right into her soul.

“If Lex lived… the world wouldn’t be safe… my friends wouldn’t be safe so I forced myself to pull the trigger… I shot my brother in the chest,” Lena remembered her own words to Supergirl. “His final words to me were… that I was a fool… that my best friend and every friend I had was lying to me. With his dying breath, he told me that you were Supergirl.”

But Kara said that she never wanted to humiliate her. But she needed to let it all out and so she continued.

“When I came to this city, I promised myself that I would never trust anyone again and… then I met you. And you chipped away my armor with your warmth and your earnestness and you convinced me to trust in people and friendship again and against my better judgement, I did… All the while telling you about my Achille’s heel… betrayal. I confided in you that everyone in my past has betrayed me… how much it hurt to have someone you love lie to you and betray you and I spelled it out to you over and over again… Essentially begging you not to violate my trust… Begging you not to prove that I was a fool…”

A tear fell down on her face.

“You reassured me that you would never lie to me… that you would never hurt me… but all the while there was no single honest moment in our friendship…”  
But then Kara said that it wasn’t true. And the scary part of it was she saw in Kara’s eyes that she was being truthful. Always those expressive eyes but she was angry. Everyone had lied to her face. Again.

“I killed my brother for you! For our friends! Do you understand what you’ve done?”

Lena was full on crying right now. Her mascara was running and she slumped on the floor.

Then she remembered what Kara replied, “If you hate me so much why did you not out me during the Pulitzer party? Why pretend to stiil be my friend for this long?”

“Because I wanted you to experience what you did to me…”

To be honest, Lena didn’t know if she regretted hurting Kara like that. But for her benefit, she needed to do it.

She hated this feeling. She’s not used to dealing with emotions. Emotions are for the weak and yet this time, tried as she could, she couldn’t put it all into boxes and file it away. She’s scared and lonely and damn it, she missed those blue eyes looking at her like she meant something. That she was good. That she was just Lena.

Kara didn’t seem to trust her when it came to being Supergirl because she was a Luthor. The Super never trusted her. It was all a lie.

“Was it because of my last name?” Lena thought and finished her drink. She was a little tipsy at this point. A couple of glasses with no meals the entire day, well… it can get you drunk right away. But she didn’t mind. She’s gotten used to the hang over that she’ll be getting tomorrow anyway.

She knew the feeling of every one looking at her like she’s kind of monster. That feeling that people thought that she would Hulk the fuck of every one any minute. Just because her last name is Luthor.

But she remembered what Alex said during their meeting, “It’s not about your last name. It never was… I hope you understand that.”

“What the fuck does that even mean? If it was never about my last name then what it was about?” Lena stood up and placed her glass at the table. She wiped her tears with the back of her hands.

She couldn’t fathom the idea why it hurt so much. Why would it hurt so much when Kara was involved?

Is it possible that she did love Kara in that way? Was she in love with Kara the whole time? Is this why it’s like breaking up with another person that you loved your whole life and then lie to you? Why would Kara lie to her face knowing that she would be hurt? Why does it hurt so bad? Why do I keep thinking of her eyes? Those eyes that told her that she knew the pain, she knew the hurt and that she was sorry. And yet, Kara lied to her.

Lena sighed. She needed a distraction and so she decided to call it a night and head to bar near LCorp. Maybe there, she would be able to find someone to distract her of her racing thoughts.

Okay so maybe it was not a good idea after all. The minute a blue eyed blonde hit on her at the bar, her heart said no but the mush that is her brain said yes. She needed to prove this to herself that everyone is not right for telling her that she is in love with one Kara Danvers.

The CEO was nervous, she haven’t let a complete stranger come to her apartment. Even her concierge looked at her disappointed. That irked her so much that now, more than ever, she needed to disprove the whole you’re in love with your best friend thing.

But the moment that the blonde was going down on her, she remembered those ocean blue eyes staring at her and she just couldn’t go through with it. So before it went further she decided for this to stop. Even in her drunken haze, she needed this to stop. It was wrong.

But before she can even yell again the person, Supergirl crashed her balcony doors and held the blonde on the collar of her shirt.

Ocean blue eyes was so dilated that it was almost black.

The word, mine, rang on her brain. Kara was being possessive. The Super claimed her as hers. Before she could think, she replied, “Yours.”

She wanted to kiss the Super but Kara jumped away. Like she was brought to back to reality with that one word.

Those blue eyes stared at her soul. The correct shade of blue and blonde hair.

Then Supergirl was gone.

In automatic mode and now sober, she made herself decent but when she looked at the shards of glass and what’s left of her balcony doors, she was brought back to reality. Kara did say she was hers and frankly, she meant it when she said she was hers.

She needed someone to talk to. She needed Alex.

And so Alex came to her rescue. The agent talked to her until the wee hours of the morning, even suggesting that she take a day off and talk to Kelly because Alex needed to go to work. And also her balcony doors would be replaced with a new one.

Alex and Kelly was both kind and gracious enough to let her talk about her feelings without any judgement. And she finally accepted that maybe, the whole being a Luthor thing was not true.

But then, she regretted what she said to Alex in the heat of the moment when she saw Alex and Supergirl verbally fight at the DEO.

“Well that is expected of Supergirl. She is Supergirl isn’t she?”

Her own words slapped her in the face.

She didn’t know how the fuck Supergirl knew that this was her bitter answer to Alex during their conversation. And she regretted saying it all the same.

This was not the Kara she knew. This isn’t even the Supergirl everybody knew.

She had bags under her eyes, pale and lost a bit of weight.

She knew this was Kara, honoring what she said in her own way. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want to hurt herself or Kara anymore. So when the Super left and Vasquez announced that there is an alien ship threatening to destroy National City, she volunteered to help. She needed something to help Supergirl.

What she saw on the live video at the DEO made her hear cringe. Supergirl was having a hard time fighting off those aliens. She knew Kara would hear her. Well hoped that the Super would hear her and so she ran to the balcony and told Kara to go home. To her. 

She felt liberated in a way. Finally acknowledging what she felt for Kara. And yet it was scary, since she doesn’t know how Kara would react. So after the fight, Brainy asked her to go home so go home she did.

Lena dreaded to open the balcony door, she hoped that Kara would be there but she didn’t want to hope too much. And to her surprise, Supergirl was indeed there, looking at the night sky.

Kara opened up about her fears. That she was grieving for seeing her own world die thrice. She was baffled why the Super said thrice on seeing her world die and when Kara answered her that being selfish made everything go wrong. That all the lies did nothing good to both of them.

Lena’s heart was racing. She felt the grief and sadness in Kara’s voice. Her earnestness that shone through her eyes. She doesn’t know what to do to be honest but what she did know that the all the lies, pretending and hurt should stop.  
And that she was Kara’s and the Super was hers.

After cleaning up the Super, she decided that maybe Kara needed more space. Just to sleep. But her hear soared when Kara wanted to cuddle instead.

That night, she swore that she would let her guard down and let herself love and be loved in return.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are more than welcome. I'm planning to do Kara's POV on this with the song inspiration idontwannabeyouanymore by Billie Eillish. I'll try to write it this week but no promises. Hehe
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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